running........or are we?

"It will be worth it all when we see Jesus, it will be worth it all when we see Christ, one glimpse of his dear face, all sorrow will erase, so bravely run the race until we see Christ."

So often, I find that we approach our Christian race like a leisurely walk in the park. We twiddle our thumbs as we walk and go through our preteens, teens and twenties. What does it mean that that our faith is likened to a race. I have never been a running fan, all my friends can attest to that. I'm not a big fan of Nascar or any other type of car racing. The only type of race I'd even really be inclined to spend my time watching is either horse racing, or the olympics. For the sake of illustration I'll use horse racing. Horse racing is truly a team sport. There are two members to each team, the horse and the jockey.

Each horse on the track runs with reckless abandonment. They push forward, they run with all their might. They don't even feel the weight of the jockey , they might feel the encouragement of the whip prodding them towards the finish line. They may feel the iron of the bit in their mouth, as the jockey holds the reins gently guiding them.

I think of the horse and jockey as a great picture of the Christian faith. As we move forwards in our race, the bit and the reins and the jockey behind them are all used to move us along and guide us. The only problem is that the reins and the bit do absolutely nothing if the horse is not in motion. The bit and the reins won't start a horse in motion. In it we enter, the spur. Spurs are not worn in races. The horses used in a race are already motivated to run at the sound of the gun, every muscle in their body is tense and waiting for in anticipation for that sound.

What if that was us, what if we waited for the sound of the LORD's voice and went forward, that every spiritual muscle of ours was flexed and we set off full speed ahead in being spent for HIS souls. I have been pondering a lot what it means to RUN not just stand there waiting.

I think of the faith that I lack, it doesn't take any faith to stand still, it takes faith to start running and trust that our God will guide and lead and we need to trust that the bit and the reins will work, that...those who lean not on their own understanding, will have straight paths.

take those old glasses off your soul and start to see as he sees

"give me your eyes for just one second, give me your eyes so I can see, everything that I keep missing, give me your love for humanity, give me your arms for the broken hearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach, give me your heart for the ones forgotten, give me your eyes so I can see." -Brandon Heath

2 Corinthians 5: 12 "those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart."

2 Corinthians 5:16 "From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh."

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations — these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.” CS Lewis

What if we could see the world, our enemies, or even ourselves as Jesus does? What if we forgot the put on all the labels that the world gives us and are stripped down to our souls...what would we find? What would our heart look like? Do we even know what we would be without other people defining us?

I think we're scared of what we'd find, I know that I have been, yet, God says, while gently ravaging me, that you need to look. I want you to see 20/20 spiritually, take off those glasses and look around you, take inventory of your heart, do you really see people as I do? I have been going through convictions, seeing that there are most definitely people groups that I look upon with disdain, I continually forget that I have been rescued from death, and transferred into the kingdom of light and life.

I have looked into the depth of my heart and what I have found there is not beautiful, like I've pretended, I've seen the blackness of tumors of sin that I forgot to fight and have been long neglected and have started to spread their cancer. It hurts to cut them out, it hurts to start treatment.

There are an amazing 12 days that I get to live with my 110 new friends from this summer. There are still things that I want to pursue, I want to run across the finish line at the end saying that I have NO REGRETS from this project.

I have had an amazing summer. Women have authentically loved me, they have poured into my life and I've gotten the opportunity to have that same experience and given the same grace that they have extended to me to other women. It is true that we are stronger together than alone. This week is a send week and we'll focusing on being sent. I am being challenged in the areas where I am a Jonah.

I apologize that my thoughts are kind of just thrown out there and scattered, but this is a real post, not just a summarization of what I've done, my heart is pouring out, so it gets a little more confusing, I love you all....

God Can't Fix What's Not Broken

" A THEATRICAL PRESENTATION, 12th STREET BEACH, 'THE EPIC BATTLE'."

"I speak the truth in Christ, I am not lying, my conscience confirms it in the Holy Spirit, I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race, the people of Israel." Romans 9:1-3

This week, I have felt an anguish within my soul as never before, I have never ever felt so broken. This week is a week that I will forever remember and will be remembered in my soul as one where Jesus worked and has forever changed my look on the lost.

Our outreach for the week was this epic battle. a representation of the spiritual battle that takes place in our world everyday. As we prepared to watch the forces of "good" and "evil" converge on the beach, I felt a quickening in my soul. I looked at this battle and saw the reality that this is really happening!

After the battle we engaged in many spiritual conversations, but during the week, we talked to so many people and were challenged to keep track of their name and their spiritual status. After the outreach, we looked the list of people (it was a twenty minute powerpo

int) it broke me. I cried for those who didn't know Jesus and rejoiced for those who did.

This upcoming week is called "God can't fix what's not broken." I feel like I'm a week ahead of the game. It will be interesting to see what God does in my life this week. I seriously spent the majority of my week in tears and working out my salvation with fear and trembling before the LORD, so broken before him, maybe for the very first time in my life, just seeing how extremely broken I am.....as Dickens would say, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I believe that God is good, and the best is yet to come!

I put together a few pictures of the time here for a slideshow.

Agape/For the Sake of His Glory!

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Agape week was really one of the most touching weeks out here as we looked towards saying goodbye to our staff who we love and trusting the Lord to work through us. Monday I got up really early and rode my bike to watch the sunset all by myself, but having to go to work at six thirty, didn't leave me enough time to actually watch the entire thing. That night, Bob talked about the only mark of the Spirit-filled life being fruit. Then, I got to join a friend in celebration of her birthday at Hobby Horse. Let me just say that I think Mankato needs an ice cream parlor hardcore. I know we have Coldstone, but that is nothing like Hobby Horse...plus they have Winnie the Pooh there..so yeah don't mess. I worked through a lot of feelings of inadequacy this week, of not feeling adequate to disciple women, and as I worked through them, it was amazing to have God confirms those feelings and then tell me, But I AM. I AM able to disciple women, I AM able to love them when you don't know how, I know what they need and how to stretch them.

Then, I encountered one of the hardest days I've yet to experience on project. It started at work. There was one lady who pretty much made it her goal to make life miserable for everyone. She was just so rude, and I had to remember that Jesus loved this lady as I encountered her and tried to show her patience and grace. Yet, I never take it well when people yell at me. Then, as I was ending my shift I started to feel very ill. Slightly faint and had a large headache. It was a bummer, because we had planned a sleepover and an evening trip to Cape May for our last action group time with Sarah. I ended up sleeping in my room because I felt so sick. But we all woke up and went to watch the sunrise with our impact group boys.

Thursday was our last day with the staff. It was a good day, our goodbye night started at supper, where we had an agape feast and started to serve each other. Then, Bob gave his final talk imparting upon us some last words of wisdom. Exhorting us to run full speed ahead, in community, then we went back into the gym and people had an opportunity to share what God had been doing in their hearts. About 15 minutes in, Bob and Kim come out with buckets of water and towels and went to our student leaders and washed their feet. Then, it trickled down as my action group leader washed my and the other girls in my study's feet. Then, I wanting to have my lead foot with the women I would be leading be love and service washed the women that I would be leading's feet. Then, we went back into the sanctuary and prayed for our new leaders and the staff gathered in the back, and left.

It is amazing the impact these men and women had upon our life in a short six weeks. How different we all our and the new appreciation we have for them, as we take on their roles. Our schedule has just become more busy. I just finished my first discipleship appointment and it went alright. I have been finding peace and my role and trusting that God is adequate to disciple people even when I'm not. I will spend about eight hours a week in discipleship, 2 hours being discipled myself and 2 hours with each of the three women that I have been entrusted to love. My host family here is amazing. I have been invited to spend as much time as I want over at their house. Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time just chilling and reading and even took a dip in their pool.

Prayer Requests:

-That I would take the time I need to with Jesus as I need to have a right relationship before I can even think about pouring into other women.

-That I would have a changed heart and lead my women in transparency and love.

-I would not be overwhelmed by my busy schedule.

- I would continue to build relationships with people here on project.

-I would move towards my coworkers and be intentional about sharing the gospel with them.

Praises:

-Amazing friends that I get to laugh and cry with.

-The way Jesus is using this in my life.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/oceancitysp/?saved=1

World Vision Week

He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat; He is sifting out the hearts of men before the judgement seat: Oh, be swift my soul to answer him, be jubilant my feet, my God is marching on!

The preceding is a verse from

the Battle Hymn of the Republic, we sang it in church on Sunday, and as the words were sung, I thought about the truth of the statement, "never sound retreat", God's army will never sound retreat, it will always continue.

Then, I think that the response of, be swift my soul to answer and jubilant my feet, really resonated with me and what I've been thinking about this week. We've been challenged with thinking about God's heart for the world. We've been challenged with what it would look like if we lived life with the vision of "Go, unless called to stay." It was a really challenging week, and one that may affect me for the rest of my life. We got to celebrate the fourth of July by watching fireworks set off over the ocean. After fireworks I found out what my role here is going to be once our staff leave. I am going to be an action group leader. I will be discipling three women and leading a Bible Study, as well as be discipled myself and be in another Bible Study. I know that this is exactly what I need, but I am overwhelmed with the prospect of the time that all of that will take, especially while working about twenty hours a week.

Yesterday was a guy in our Impact group's birthday and we made him pancakes, then we had a creative date, we invited our men to the swing at 5pm for dinner, when they arrived there, we weren't there but there was a note. We sent them on a scavenger hunt and we met them at a park and it was just a really fun time. We took so many pictures and we watched the sun set over on the bay side of the island. I am so glad that I know those people and that they are my friends.

Please be in prayer for me as I do this. I know that I am going to need God's strength so much in this. I am excited but am sad to see the staff leave at the end of the week.

PS "Roses are red, violets are blue, you are awesome and I agape you."