Woman, why are you weeping?

Easter, so good. Although I find myself lacking motivation to be here at school again. Only four weeks of classes left. Yet, so much to do in all of that.

I think that my favorite part of the Easter story, when after Jesus is risen and how he reveals himself to people. This may sound bad, but sometimes I laugh at the awkwardness that arises. Jesus knows who all these people are, but for some reason, probably because they think he's dead, they never recognize him. I think my favorite one, that shows to me Jesus' tenderness is in John 20:11-18.

Let's set the stage: Mary is outside of the tomb crying, she's weeping. It seems like a semi-normal thing for a woman, or anyone for that matter to be doing outside of a tomb. We accept this as normal. Why is she crying? Jesus, the Messiah, a man who delivered her from demons was put to death most horrifically, and the worst part was that he had broken no law. She looks into the tomb and sees two men (who we know as angels) one at the place where Jesus' head had been, and one where his feet had laid. Anyone who's friend had just died would probably be sobbing. Maybe very few actual tears, but instead those sobs that wrack the body-Mary's sorrow was apparent, we know that for sure.

The angels say to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" I wonder what her reaction to this question was-more tears, frustration that they didn't understand. She says, "They have taken my Lord and I don't know where they have laid him."

She turns around, maybe to leave, we don't really know, but she sees another man. He says to her, "Woman why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?" I think my reaction to this would have been something like hurt rage. People all around me asking me why I'm crying...can't you see I'm mourning? Can't you see that I came here to visit my friend's tomb. He's not here, dead people don't just disappear.

Thinking that this man is the gardener she says, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away." What happens next is so sweet. This man, Jesus, says nothing, but one word. "Mary". This one word causes rememberance, just like you most definitely recognize a friend's voice on the phone, or your parent calling to you across the way. I love that Jesus didn't show Mary his side and his hands, he didn't come to her and tell her all these facts about her life that no one but he could know. No, he just had to say her name.

She knew in an instant that it was Jesus. I wonder if the weeping stopped that moment when the realization dawned on her, or if even a smile broke across her face as she said "Rabboni", teacher.

I wonder if we too don't recognize Jesus as often as we should. We go through life. We mourn our circumstances, the passing of a loved one, no money in the bank, frustration and confustion towards the future. I wonder how many times Jesus calls our name. What if we listened and turned towards him and said, "teacher" and really allowed Him to be our hope, to bring us through whatever it is. What if we remembered at all times the hope Mary found at seeing her once-dead Savior alive again?

May that hope reign in our hearts!

Kimberly

Berlin and lessons that I am learning...

Berlin:

With great rejoicing, I am able to announce that I am trusting the Lord to go to Berlin, Germany this summer. I found out yesterday that I am accepted. This is really almost like a dream come true! :) I am so stoked to use my German skills for Christ's kingdom.

Grace:

God seems to be continuously teaching me about GRACE.

What it means, how dependent upon it daily, and how a right view of grace frees me and helps me to love the people around me. I love how Kay Arthur describes grace, "everything Jesus Christ is and has made available to us without any reason within ourselves." I truly believe that when we have a correct view of grace, it amazingly affects or relationship with Jesus. A correct view, that we need his grace every hour. That we did nothing to deserve his grace. That the depths of God's grace is unending. We can never outrun his grace there is nothing too bad.

When we view grace correctly, we are able to view others around us in a correct light as well. We know that we never need to hide what we are because we understand that we are forgiven and have been made clean. Understanding of grace helps us in sharing with other people the good news and hope of Jesus Christ.

I am glad that I can continue to search the depths of God's grace and will get to figure out what it means for the rest of my life.

Love & grace,

Kimberly

Where I applied to go this summer!

I'm trusting Jesus to take me there, waiting to hear back!

New Year, New Hair, a little older

I can scarcely believe that the end of January is at our doorsteps. It seems as though I was just on vacation. I have completed three weeks of school, and am for the most part, enjoying my schedule. There are some morning when I do not really look forward to getting up for 8am class, but do enjoy having Fridays off.

After the lack of a haircut for over a year, I decided to get one, and went shorter than I ever had before. I am liking it, but have to plan ahead, no more throwing it all up in a ponytail when I feel lazy!

God is so good, I was able to find so much rest and healing over break. For the first time since summer project, I was able to really take some time off as Bob Wiley would say "A vacation from my problems!" Though, I did not forget them, I was able to find time to spend and talk to Jesus in a great way.

God really provided me with a job for my last week of break, and it was such a blessing to work again with all the other people at my old job, and really be able to rest in the fact that God was providing for me.

All the time off really lead to me feeling ready to once again do ministry on this campus, in fact I was excited to come back and pour time and my love and life into the women who I have contact with in the dorms and hopefully make more contacts. Ready to live as a "sent one".

I am so blessed by the women who are in my life here, and my friends in general! They were all willing to be a little wacky for me on my 21st birthday, which was moustached themed. I decided to be the unique person that God has created me to be. We had such games as "Pin the moustache on the Jonas Brother, wrote verses of poetry about poems, and had a drawing competition.

I have applied to go on summer project to Berlin, and am really excited to hear back. In fact being patient is really hard.

Love,

Kimberly

Tis the Season!

*Merry Christmas*

I pray that this season find you with full hearts in anticipation of the gospel. The Word becoming flesh. Today, I get to drive home and spend the day there. I am finished with finals! (Except for a small project due on Monday) We have received quite the dumping of snow up here, which leads to quite the interesting time dealing with plowing roads, and cold!

I sit and reflect, now that there's time, and i see how blessed I am, Christmas i just around the corner, I can barely believe it. I have been blessed with amazing opportunities this semester. It has been a bittersweet semester. It might sound weird, but I semi-loathe this upcoming thing called graduation. I am learning that I am a person who likes things to remain the way they've always been. Yet, life rarely remains the same.

This semester brings with it the occasion to say goodbye to some good friends and even more opportunities to trust Jesus. I think back to who I was at the beginning of the semester and who I am now. I had just said goodbye to 110 of some of the greatest people that God had blessed my life with. Somedays, I don't even know what to do without them, yet I see a God who is faithful! If only I could learn to trust Him with the same measure. Now, here I am, looking towards a month off a school, and am really looking forward to time for processing, even things from this summer.

Here is the chorus to a Christmas song that was written by the band Downhere, it always causes me to stop and think, and reflect. Hope it makes you do the same (the crown just seemed to fit with the title):

How many kings, stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many Gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
Only one did that for me

Turkeys, Cranberry Sauce, Joy!

Thanksgiving!

I truly do have a lot to be thankful for, truly, yet, I know that somedays all I can think of is all the woes and worries I have.

This morning I took some time to make a list of all the things that I am thankful for. It was a really sweet time where Jesus really got to show me a lot about what he's done for me.

The following Psalm just kind of hit me hard....

Things I am thankful for:

1) Women

what amazing women I have the privilege of sharing life with, whether from this summer or here at Mankato, women who love me well, know me deeply and have modeled what i looks like to pursue Jesus together as we take our brokenness before the cross and point each other to our healer!

2) Ministry

God is at work here at Mankato, i have to constantly remind myself of that. See, because I may not see that much happening, doesn't mean that he isn't at work. He doesn't need me, he chooses whether or not to use me. Yet, there are some great things that I have seen him do. I know that I have a tendency to want to see what I think are huge things happen. Yet, I must remember that every time someone chooses Christ, that is a miracle, anytime that people turn from their life to his, it's huge! What a privilege to be a part of that and to see Him peak people's interest in who he is.

3) School

As much as I forget it, it is a blessing that I am able to be here at school! I have seen God's grace poured out as I see unmerited favor poured on me by my professors and other students here. I really am loving school here again, and am determined to make the best I can of this semester and the two to come.

4) Life

I am alive, that is by the grace of God! Yet, my quality of life, the amount of joy and gratefulness I have been feeling is amazing! I feel as the psalm describes redeemed. This semester has been an interesting season in my life, one of trial and testing, one where I feel as though I did walk through the valley of the shadow, and standing on the other side I can only say, WoW!

Please read this Psalm in it's entirety, it will rock your world!

"Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he has redeemed from trouble and gathered in from the lands, from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south. Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them. Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things."

(Psalm 107)

Fallin' :)

Fall is long upon us here. It seems to have been one of the most rainy ones I have seen in a while.

I realize that my BLOG has fallen into neglect. Yeah, I have this thing called school going on. I don't know if anyone reads this, but I am not convinced that the point of a BLOG is for everyone on earth to read it, sometimes I just feel better knowing that I can write it. Maybe someone will read it? :)

This fall has been crazy, that is really the only word to describe it. It felt like cultural shock to come back from project at first. The university scene is a little bit of a far cry in some ways from what I experience this summer. Mostly in regards to the community, and the amount of free time. I thought I was always busy this summer, but I wasn't, now I really am! :)

It feels crazy to have the first semester coming to an end. I have been wearing "teacher" garb for the past two weeks nearly everyday. I am doing clinicals in both Waseca and Mankato (at West High School), it makes me appreciate wearing jeans a lot more.

What is God up to in my life? Good question. He's working, we are doing a great Bible Study with the women's leadership fro CRU and it is great. One week we talk about how the church needs to be storming the gates of hell. Yet, so often we sit in our "fortresses", like our churches or Christian community, neither one of these things is bad, however, they can become something that can distract us from our commission. I would say this: a great community pushes you to go out and talk to people about what you believe.

I have gone out in the past few weeks more. I have missed talking to people on a spiritual level, having conversations with men and women about what it is that they believe, what it is that they are putting their trust in. I am continually asking that question back to myself? What am I trusting in?

Do I trust myself, or am I walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. I find that often I am so prideful and think that I have abilities, that I can do things without Jesus...school this year has been hard. My major (the German part), and the classes I have to take for it, can definitely lead to some interesting conversations. This semester I have German Cinema & Literature (two different classes). It's a continuous struggle to see where I can stick up for Jesus, and where it may be hindering my walk with Jesus if I skip class. I have never skipped class more for reasons of class content. The king of the air is at work.

How glad I am that I have a God who is greater. As I was driving home from Waseca I was listening to the radio.

"At 20 years of age, I'm still looking for a dream, a war's already waged for my destiny, but you've already won the battle, and you've got great plans for me, though I can't always see."

This song really isn't really one of my favorites, but these words hit me especially hard, because so often I do worry about my future. What will my life after college look like? It has hit me really hard this semester, because I have exactly one year left after this semester is over, and a lot of my close friends will be student teaching or graduating after this semester. It was just a reminder that MY VICTORIOUS KING knows, and it's a great plan. WHOA!