Tis Past Due

So, I am failing at keeping up this BLOG, even the last weeks of project slipped away before I was able to share them with you. I loved every single moment that I spent this summer in Ocean City New Jersey. I have enough memories to last me a lifetime, I have over 110 new friends and have been challenged in my faith more than ever! I left project and arrived at home to experience pretty much the hardest week of my life, so far.

Going from an amazing community of 110 people on fire and passionate about Jesus and sharing his good news with everyone to being at home with my parents, was culture shock. I love my parents and am so blessed that they are a part of my life, but I didn't know how to deal without the consistency of people around and just having women in my life. Not to mention that it was so hard to say goodbye!

I have learned so much this summer, and as I was talking with one of my good friends tonight, she reminded me that I need to trust that God is working just as much in my life today as he was when I was on project. Just because I'm no longer in Ocean City, doesn't mean he's no longer at work.

Some things the Lord has taught (and I think will be teaching me for the rest of my life) this summer:

1) I have grown in what it means to be a woman. One who makes mistakes and messes up, but one who refuses to buy into this culture's counterfeit idea of womanhood and chooses instead to find her identity in Jesus and who He says she is and that only in Him and I 100% complete.

2) I have been set free from performance Christianity, I now for the first time understand that God loves me, not because of what I have done, good or bad, but that he chose me. I no longer have to do things to try and earn God's love. He loves and likes me, just the way I am.

3) Sharing what I believe. I have been and can be really afraid to tell people that I love Jesus. Yet, as I continue to walk with Him and see how much he loves me, how much he cares for me, how he sent his son Jesus to die for me, I am becoming more and more convinced that if I love people, they need to know. I am moving from living in fear to walking by faith.

I was also struggling (and still am working through) what my semester this Fall will look like for ministry. I had a lot of doubts and fears and the Lord is leading me out of my comfort zone, and suprisingly enough, I don't really want to go that badly. But I am learning what it means to trust in Him moment by moment and to follow even when the road is not that clear. Some days it is clearer than others.

I have accomplished my first week of classes and enjoyed seeing old friends and getting back into classes, my brain has this love of knowledge and learning, which I think is super cool! This semester's homework load looks pretty intense with reading and I am going to be full up even just in taking German Literature.

I am working through how to be a light for Jesus in my classes, in my spare time and even in my homework. The cool thing is, that this can all be for him! He's doing some cool things here..one day I got to talk to three women who are interested in a Bible Study, and I am excited to get into people's lives.

I need to constantly remind myself that this life isn't going to be easy, and the things I'm going to be asked to do, may not always be exactly what I've planned for myself. But I must believe and trust...that His ways are not my ways...and that he has ONLY good planned for me and that he is withholding no good from me! Praise Him!

By His Grace,

Kimberly

running........or are we?

"It will be worth it all when we see Jesus, it will be worth it all when we see Christ, one glimpse of his dear face, all sorrow will erase, so bravely run the race until we see Christ."

So often, I find that we approach our Christian race like a leisurely walk in the park. We twiddle our thumbs as we walk and go through our preteens, teens and twenties. What does it mean that that our faith is likened to a race. I have never been a running fan, all my friends can attest to that. I'm not a big fan of Nascar or any other type of car racing. The only type of race I'd even really be inclined to spend my time watching is either horse racing, or the olympics. For the sake of illustration I'll use horse racing. Horse racing is truly a team sport. There are two members to each team, the horse and the jockey.

Each horse on the track runs with reckless abandonment. They push forward, they run with all their might. They don't even feel the weight of the jockey , they might feel the encouragement of the whip prodding them towards the finish line. They may feel the iron of the bit in their mouth, as the jockey holds the reins gently guiding them.

I think of the horse and jockey as a great picture of the Christian faith. As we move forwards in our race, the bit and the reins and the jockey behind them are all used to move us along and guide us. The only problem is that the reins and the bit do absolutely nothing if the horse is not in motion. The bit and the reins won't start a horse in motion. In it we enter, the spur. Spurs are not worn in races. The horses used in a race are already motivated to run at the sound of the gun, every muscle in their body is tense and waiting for in anticipation for that sound.

What if that was us, what if we waited for the sound of the LORD's voice and went forward, that every spiritual muscle of ours was flexed and we set off full speed ahead in being spent for HIS souls. I have been pondering a lot what it means to RUN not just stand there waiting.

I think of the faith that I lack, it doesn't take any faith to stand still, it takes faith to start running and trust that our God will guide and lead and we need to trust that the bit and the reins will work, that...those who lean not on their own understanding, will have straight paths.

take those old glasses off your soul and start to see as he sees

"give me your eyes for just one second, give me your eyes so I can see, everything that I keep missing, give me your love for humanity, give me your arms for the broken hearted, the ones that are far beyond my reach, give me your heart for the ones forgotten, give me your eyes so I can see." -Brandon Heath

2 Corinthians 5: 12 "those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart."

2 Corinthians 5:16 "From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh."

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations — these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.” CS Lewis

What if we could see the world, our enemies, or even ourselves as Jesus does? What if we forgot the put on all the labels that the world gives us and are stripped down to our souls...what would we find? What would our heart look like? Do we even know what we would be without other people defining us?

I think we're scared of what we'd find, I know that I have been, yet, God says, while gently ravaging me, that you need to look. I want you to see 20/20 spiritually, take off those glasses and look around you, take inventory of your heart, do you really see people as I do? I have been going through convictions, seeing that there are most definitely people groups that I look upon with disdain, I continually forget that I have been rescued from death, and transferred into the kingdom of light and life.

I have looked into the depth of my heart and what I have found there is not beautiful, like I've pretended, I've seen the blackness of tumors of sin that I forgot to fight and have been long neglected and have started to spread their cancer. It hurts to cut them out, it hurts to start treatment.

There are an amazing 12 days that I get to live with my 110 new friends from this summer. There are still things that I want to pursue, I want to run across the finish line at the end saying that I have NO REGRETS from this project.

I have had an amazing summer. Women have authentically loved me, they have poured into my life and I've gotten the opportunity to have that same experience and given the same grace that they have extended to me to other women. It is true that we are stronger together than alone. This week is a send week and we'll focusing on being sent. I am being challenged in the areas where I am a Jonah.

I apologize that my thoughts are kind of just thrown out there and scattered, but this is a real post, not just a summarization of what I've done, my heart is pouring out, so it gets a little more confusing, I love you all....

God Can't Fix What's Not Broken

" A THEATRICAL PRESENTATION, 12th STREET BEACH, 'THE EPIC BATTLE'."

"I speak the truth in Christ, I am not lying, my conscience confirms it in the Holy Spirit, I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race, the people of Israel." Romans 9:1-3

This week, I have felt an anguish within my soul as never before, I have never ever felt so broken. This week is a week that I will forever remember and will be remembered in my soul as one where Jesus worked and has forever changed my look on the lost.

Our outreach for the week was this epic battle. a representation of the spiritual battle that takes place in our world everyday. As we prepared to watch the forces of "good" and "evil" converge on the beach, I felt a quickening in my soul. I looked at this battle and saw the reality that this is really happening!

After the battle we engaged in many spiritual conversations, but during the week, we talked to so many people and were challenged to keep track of their name and their spiritual status. After the outreach, we looked the list of people (it was a twenty minute powerpo

int) it broke me. I cried for those who didn't know Jesus and rejoiced for those who did.

This upcoming week is called "God can't fix what's not broken." I feel like I'm a week ahead of the game. It will be interesting to see what God does in my life this week. I seriously spent the majority of my week in tears and working out my salvation with fear and trembling before the LORD, so broken before him, maybe for the very first time in my life, just seeing how extremely broken I am.....as Dickens would say, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I believe that God is good, and the best is yet to come!

I put together a few pictures of the time here for a slideshow.

Agape/For the Sake of His Glory!

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Agape week was really one of the most touching weeks out here as we looked towards saying goodbye to our staff who we love and trusting the Lord to work through us. Monday I got up really early and rode my bike to watch the sunset all by myself, but having to go to work at six thirty, didn't leave me enough time to actually watch the entire thing. That night, Bob talked about the only mark of the Spirit-filled life being fruit. Then, I got to join a friend in celebration of her birthday at Hobby Horse. Let me just say that I think Mankato needs an ice cream parlor hardcore. I know we have Coldstone, but that is nothing like Hobby Horse...plus they have Winnie the Pooh there..so yeah don't mess. I worked through a lot of feelings of inadequacy this week, of not feeling adequate to disciple women, and as I worked through them, it was amazing to have God confirms those feelings and then tell me, But I AM. I AM able to disciple women, I AM able to love them when you don't know how, I know what they need and how to stretch them.

Then, I encountered one of the hardest days I've yet to experience on project. It started at work. There was one lady who pretty much made it her goal to make life miserable for everyone. She was just so rude, and I had to remember that Jesus loved this lady as I encountered her and tried to show her patience and grace. Yet, I never take it well when people yell at me. Then, as I was ending my shift I started to feel very ill. Slightly faint and had a large headache. It was a bummer, because we had planned a sleepover and an evening trip to Cape May for our last action group time with Sarah. I ended up sleeping in my room because I felt so sick. But we all woke up and went to watch the sunrise with our impact group boys.

Thursday was our last day with the staff. It was a good day, our goodbye night started at supper, where we had an agape feast and started to serve each other. Then, Bob gave his final talk imparting upon us some last words of wisdom. Exhorting us to run full speed ahead, in community, then we went back into the gym and people had an opportunity to share what God had been doing in their hearts. About 15 minutes in, Bob and Kim come out with buckets of water and towels and went to our student leaders and washed their feet. Then, it trickled down as my action group leader washed my and the other girls in my study's feet. Then, I wanting to have my lead foot with the women I would be leading be love and service washed the women that I would be leading's feet. Then, we went back into the sanctuary and prayed for our new leaders and the staff gathered in the back, and left.

It is amazing the impact these men and women had upon our life in a short six weeks. How different we all our and the new appreciation we have for them, as we take on their roles. Our schedule has just become more busy. I just finished my first discipleship appointment and it went alright. I have been finding peace and my role and trusting that God is adequate to disciple people even when I'm not. I will spend about eight hours a week in discipleship, 2 hours being discipled myself and 2 hours with each of the three women that I have been entrusted to love. My host family here is amazing. I have been invited to spend as much time as I want over at their house. Yesterday I spent quite a bit of time just chilling and reading and even took a dip in their pool.

Prayer Requests:

-That I would take the time I need to with Jesus as I need to have a right relationship before I can even think about pouring into other women.

-That I would have a changed heart and lead my women in transparency and love.

-I would not be overwhelmed by my busy schedule.

- I would continue to build relationships with people here on project.

-I would move towards my coworkers and be intentional about sharing the gospel with them.

Praises:

-Amazing friends that I get to laugh and cry with.

-The way Jesus is using this in my life.

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