18 March 2011

A little poetry

Oh heart of stone
These feet of lead
Knotted tongue
Asking & hoping you won't.
Doubleminded.
Selfish.
Since when is this me?

Loving Father
Merciful
Slow to anger
Abounding in steadfast love.
Calling my name.
You never change.

Mold me Jesus!
Running feet.
Tongue of praise.
Desiring you to wreck me.
Single minded
Selfless
Remember when this was me?
You never change.


We serve a God who never changes. We however, are a people who change. We forget who the God is that we serve and we push God out of our lives. We are so often two people. Yeah. This comes out of a place of me having a reality check of my relationship with God and really stopping and looking at how am I really doing. God can handle the truth. I think that when we allow 0urselves to admit it, then we can change... So this is a prayer!

04 January 2011

No longer living the College Dream.


It's been awhile. I have been feeling the need for a new BLOG post, and was wondering what I should write about it, being one of the sorts of people who doesn't like to force words onto a page, but prefers instead that they flow from my heart to the page.

Living by myself gives me much time to think
and ponder, which is both a good and bad thing. I do believe that the unexamined life is unworth living, however there is the overexamined life as well. That life is too careful and forgets that life is messy and that mistakes will be made.

Though I am no longer a college student, I did spend the four days last week at a conference for college students. It was sweet to forget that I was a teacher for a few days and spend sweet time with my friends. However, this was no mere reunion. God also had a few messages that he wanted to speak into my life.

My alarm clock. It's squealing at a frequency that not only awakens me but every animal within a five mile radius, elicits the only response of a groan and a quick hand to make it stop. There is nothing I dread more. Not that I don't l
ove life, or being awake, but rather that I enjoy sleep and find the transition from sleep to awakeness one of the hardest worlds to traverse. The theme for the conference I attended was, "Awaken". I'm glad to say that I didn't sleep through any session, I think the irony of that would have been too much for me to handle.

Have we fallen asleep? I think I have. How quickly we can move from a point of passionate pursual of Jesus Christ to one of complacency forgetting what it was we were made for. One speaker said the gospel is the message that awakens. I like that. We can only be be asleep so long, we all slept before we became believers and the message of the gospel was our loud, ringing alarm clock. How easily I forget the gospel, that wake up call, in my life. I have so many tendencies to fall into performance, trying to earn God's favor, show Him how good of a Christian I am. Funny, huh? A good Christian? Does that even exist? Will anyone ever be a good Christian? I mean, on their own. Like Christianity is something that we can just try harder to do. What an assault of grace I am prone to walk in.

Do I believe that my salvation is a gift. One with no strings attached, a free one, all I have to do is make it my own: accept it. The rest of the Christian life
is about our hearts being more and more captured by the one that we've put on the throne. Our lives changing thr
ou
gh the work of the Holy Spirit. Certainly we must yield and be obedient, but there is nothing to do, nothing our hand can do that give us salvation, or even the right to be saved.

It's freeing, almost too freeing. You see, I think that in my brokenness, I want to be in control. I want to have that five year plan, that checklist. If you do these things you will be sanctified. If you attend this amount of Bible studies, share your faith this many times, read your
bible for x amount of hours, pray for a prescribed amount of time. But Jesus, he doesn't just want my actions, he doesn't just want what I can do. He wants me. He wants my heart. He wants to be King in my life. He wants me flat out flabbergasted, fully in love and falling more and more in
love as the minutes pass.

18 October 2010

I love thinking of Jesus like this...

I saw a strange sight. I stumbled upon a story most strange, like nothing my life, my street sense, my sly tongue had ever prepared me for. Hush, child. Hush, now, and I will tell it to you. Even before the dawn one Friday morning I noticed a young man, handsome and strong, walking the alleys of our City.

He was pulling an old cart filled with clothes both bright and new, and he was calling in a clear tenor voice: "Rags!" (Ah, the air was foul and the first light filthy to be crosse by such sweet music.)

"Rags! New rags for old! I take your tired rags! Rags!" "Now, this is a wonder," I thought to myself, for the man stood six-feet-for, and his arms were like tree limbs, hard and muscular, and his eyes flashed intelligence.

Could he find no better job than this, to be a ragman in the inner city? I followed him. My curiousity drove me. And I wasn't disappointed.

Soon the Ragman saw a woman sitting on her back porch. She was sobbing into a handkerchief, sighing, and shedding a thousand tears. Her knees and elbows made a sad X. Her shoulders shook. Her heart was breaking.

The Ragman stopped his cart. Quietly, he walked to the woman, stepping round tin cans, dead toys, and Pampers. "Give me your rag," he said so gently, "and I'll give you another." He slipped the handkerchief from her eyes. She looked ups, and he laid across her palm a linen cloth so clean and new that it shined. She blinked from the gift to the giver.

Then, as he began to pull his cart again, the Ragman did a strange thing: he put her stained handkerchief to his own face; and then HE began to weep, to sob as grievously as she had done, his shoulders shaking. Yet she was left without a tear. "This IS a wonder," I breathed to myself, and I followed the sobbing Ragman like a child who cannot turn away from mystery.

"Rags! Rags! New rags for old!" In a little while, when the sky showed grey behind the rooftops and I could see the shredded curtains hanging out black windows, the Ragman came upon a girl whose head was wrapped in a bandage, whose eyes were empty. Blood soaked her bandage. A single line of blood ran down her cheek. Now the tall Ragman looked upon this child with pity, and he drew a lovely yellow bonnet from his cart.

"Give me your rag," he said, tracing his own line on her cheek, "and I'll give you mine." The child could only gaze at him while he loosened the bandage, removed it, and tied it to his own head. The bonnet he set to hers. And I gasped at what I saw: for with the bandage went the wound! Against his brow it ran a darker, more substantial blood-his own!

"Rags! Rags! I take old rags!" cried the sobbing, bleeding, strong, intelligent Ragman. The sun hurt both the sky, now, and my eyes; the Ragman seemed to more and more to hurry.

"Are you going to work?" he asked a man who leaned against a telephone pole. The man shook his head. The Ragman pressed him: "Do you have a job?"

"Are you crazy?" sneered the other. He pulled away from the pole, revealing the right sleeve of his jacked-flat, the cuff stuffed into the pocket. He had no arm. "So," said the Ragman. "Give me your jacket, and I'll give you mine." Such authority in his voice!

The one-armed man took off his jacket. So did the Ragman - and I trembled at what I saw: for the Ragman's arm stayed in its sleeve, and when the other put it on he had two good arms, thick as tree limbs; but the Ragman had only one. "Go to work," he said.

After that he found a drunk lying unconscious beneath an army blanket, an old man, hunched, wizened, and sick. He took that blanket and wrapped it round himself, but for the drunk he left new clothes.

And now I had to run to keep up with the Ragman. Though he was weeping uncontrollably, and bleeding freely at the forehead, pulling his cart with one arm, stumbling for drunkenness, falling again and again, exhausted, old, and sick, yet he went with terrible speed. On spider's legs he skittered through the alleys of the City, this mile and the next, until he came to its limits, and then he rushed beyond.

I wept to see the change in this man. I hurt to see his sorrow. And yet I needed to see where he was going in such haste, perhaps to know what drove him so.

The little old Ragman - he came to a landfill. He came to the garbage pits. And then I wanted to help him in what he did, but hung back, hiding.

He climbed a hill. With tormented labor he cleared a little space on that hill. Then he sighed. He lay down. He pillowed his head on a handkerchief and a jacket. he covered his bones with an army blanket.

And he died.

Oh, how I cried to witness that death! I slumped in a junked car and wailed and mourned as one who has no hope - because I had come to love the Ragman.

Every other face had faded in the wonder of this man, and I cherished him; but he died. I sobbed myself to sleep. I did not know - how could I know? That I slept through Friday night and Saturday and its night, too. But then, on Sunday morning, I was wakened by a violence. Light - pure, hard, demanding light - slammed against my sour face, and I blinked, and I looked, and I saw the last and the first wonder of all.

There was the Ragman, folding the blanket most carefuly, a scar on his forehead, but alive! And, besides that, healthy! There was no sign of sorrow nor of age, and all the rages that he gathered shined for cleanliness.

Well, then I lowered my head and trembling for all that I had seen, I myself walked up to the Ragman. I told him my name with shame, for I was a sorry figure next to him. Then I took off my clothes in that place, and I said to him with dear yearning in my voice: "Dress me."

He dressed me. My Lord, he put new rags on me, and I am a wonder beside him.

The Ragman, the Ragman,
The CHRIST.

* Ragman by Walter Wangerin, Jr.

21 September 2010

That Matchless Love

Some of my measly thoughts about the Love of God.

Yet, the love of God.
I forget it.
I disbelieve it.
I take it for granted.
I misunderstand it.
I don't get this love that passionately pursues the unworthy.
That chases after my heart and motivations.
This love that demands nothing, but asks me to give up everything.
How I want to get it.
It is like a sunbeam that warms your skin-and goes directly to the heart.
The clouds come and we forget the sun is still shining-we go about our business everyday and start to forget about the sun, not really noticing it-our minds consumed with smaller things, forgetting the kiss of its warmth and how blessed we are.

16 August 2010

Sights of Berlin

Berlin truly is an international city. This summer we really enjoyed learning more about German culture but also about other cultures as we met people from all over the world. The first three pictures are from some of my favorite places in Berlin. Top : Gendarmenmarkt: this part of Berlin is real easy on the eyes and I find it super peaceful. In this square there are two churches and an opera house. It was built for the French Hugenots to come and worship. Middle is the Berliner Dom, it is a protestant church on the east side of Berlin. Fun facts: the East actually repaired the church and on front of the church is 1 John 5:4 " and this is the victory that has overcome the world-our faith." I find that amusing especially considering where the church was. The Brandenburg Gate: Everyone probably could recognize this monument, but I love to think about the fact the Napoleon stole the Quadriga (lady with the horses) off the top, and then it was brought back. Imagine taking a large statue off of a building....CRAZY!


















16 June 2010

Hello from Berlin, Germany

We are alive and safe here in Berlin Germany. Besides all of the jetlag it felt amazing to get back to Germany. It even felt somewhat like home. We got our rooms at the Amstel House and it is really great. All the student women and one of our staff members are staying in the same room, which I think is amazing. What a sweet way to build relationships and community!

Yesterday we hung out and tried not to fall asleep for too long. We enjoyed seeing some sites at night. Today we spent our first day on campus. We are going to be eventually assigned to a campus to do ministry at, but for the rest of the week, we are going to be spending a day at each campus.

Another Kim (who's on staff with CCC) and I went out at the campus of Humboldt. To think, there I was at the campus where Einstein was a professor. We got to talk to one girl who was half Turkish/half German. It was really interesting to hear her spiritual perspective. Our goal for the day was to get a little acclimated with the system here and to initiate conversation. We put money on our MENSA (the college cafeteria) cards and choose what we wanted to eat, a pretty good lunch for around 5€. We spent two and a half hours on campus and came back.

Pray that I would die to any agenda that I have, it can be hard for me to enjoy seeing a lot of the same sites as I have before.

Pray that I would be student of the culture, as much as I have learned, there's always more to learn.

Pray that I would serve the others with my knowledge of the language and culture instead of going around with an attitude that I am better than others, etc.


Still waiting to have her first Eis (German for Gelato),
Kimberly

20 May 2010

Berlin Prayer


I have been reminded recently that prayer is an essential part of the Christian walk. Not that praying makes you holier than anyone else, but how else can we connect so deeply to the heart of God. Not only that, but the God of the universe, the one who holds this very planet in motion, bids us to come boldy before his throne of grace and bring everything to him.

Matthew 21:22 says "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." Faith is another key component to our walk, we have to believe that God not only hears our prayers, but that he is on the side of His people and is doing work, He is working for our good and longs to answer our prayers.

I leave in just 25 days for my trip to Berlin, I want it to be true of me that I did my part and left God's part to him, and I believe that one of the best ways I can prepare is prayer. Here are what some of my prayers for the summer are. I would ask you to join me.

Open Hearts: That the students of Berlin would have open hearts to hear the gospel. That we the members of BERLIN '10 would have hearts open and willing to let the Spirit move, that we would follow His prompting be open to His leading.

Conversations: That Jeremiah 20:9 would be true of our lives, that we would have to speak. Pray that students are open to conversations, and that we would follow the Spirit's promptings in our conversations and that we would know nothing, but Christ crucified.

Boldness: That we would have the boldness of the early church. That we would be walking in the Spirit and proclaiming our LORD.

Spiritual Growth: That we would grow in our faith as we do things that we've never done before for the name of Christ. That we would take leaps of faith!

Safety: That we would remain safe during our travel and also as we live in the city, that we would be protected and that we would make smart decisions.

Health: that God our great physician would sustain our health while we are away and that no accidents would occur.

Brokenness: That God would break us for the Lost people of Berlin, but also for our friends and family members back home.

Team Cohesion: We are going to be living together as a team in Amstel Haus in Berlin (if you're interested Bilder means pictures). Pray that we would be one that the words of Ephesians 4:4-6 would be true of our lives. "There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to one hope that belongs to your call--one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

Maggie: Maggie lived with our family for six months, and though we haven't heard from her in over a year, we know that she goes to school in Berlin. Pray that God would do far more than we can imagine in reuniting us and in her life and mine.

Support: I have raised all of my financial support! Praise God! Pray for the rest of my team, pray for their support to come in and that their families would offer support as well. (You're a big part of support through prayer as well, I really mean that!)

Gospel: Pray that the Gospel would go out, that the message of love and light and hope that can be offensive, pray that God would use us to spread his gospel.

Excitement: That we would be excited to use our summers for God's glory. Excited about what God is going to do in us, through us, around us, and in spite of us!


until next time...
Kimberly Nickel